texaswildfire

I found Seth passed out along side Noodle at the kitchen table.
3:30 in the afternoon.
It's hot on Saturday afternoon but Marc and I walk home.
Side by side.
Hand in hand.
We don't look guilty.
My tank top held well for being worn for almost 24 hours.

We made a plan before we parted.
He asked me to come star gaze on his trampoline tonight at 9.
That gives us time for a few things.
A bath.
Some food.
A nap in my own bed.

With all those things, I still am up and about by 7:00.
And my mother is curious.
Too curious.
She knows we were alone last night.
Seth isn't much protection when there are drugs involved.

"Do you want something to eat that's fresh," my mother asks me as I step into the kitchen. She's putting coffee on. She will drink a small cup while taking her own bath in a while, I'm sure.

"No, I will just make a Hot Pocket or something," I tell her, searching for something, anything sweet in the fridge. "Do we have any cake or cookies or anything of the sort? I need something to make my bloodsugar rise a bit."

"I made brownies for you and Seth before you left last night and didn't think of returning until late in the afternoon," she remarks, dropping sugar cubes into her freshly poured cup of black coffee. "It seems Lorraine was just as upset by Marc's not coming home but I assured her that if you were with Seth, you would be safe."

"We were, mom. Just at Noodle's house for the night. He's got a PlayStation 3 and Marc and I played while he and Seth were talking in another room," I tell my mother, being careful not to mention his smoking because, though she knows he does it, she pretends he doesn't. "Has Seth even gotten back yet? I haven't heard him come in."

My mom shakes her head.
I cut a really big brownie and put it on a plate.
She shoves a fork in my hand.
Makes me take milk for it.

"No, he's called and said he will stay with Norman again tonight," she says. "Enjoy your brownie and peace while he's gone again. Just one more week and he will be gone. So will Jonah. Just tell me, did you speak with Marc about your prom?"

"We have decided not to go after all. I don't really want to see Elliot with someone and he doesn't want to see Julie with someone else so, to spare ourselves, we have decided to just forego the festivities this year," I explain. "Besides, we can go together next year."

"Terrific idea, my dear. I am going to take my bath. I trust that you will bring your plate back down when you get done," my mother says as she starts to walk upstairs. "And please, try to sleep in your bed at some point tonight. Alone."

I ate my brownie.
And another in the kitchen before going out into the backyard.
It's almost 9.
Marc isn't outside yet.
But Allison is.
She is sitting beside the gate on a bench in their yard playing with a lighter.
I know she smokes.
Just cigarettes.

I sit on my swing set and let it sway beneath me.
The toes of my Converse trace lines in the sand.
I hear the gate open.
I don't look up because I know Allison probably hates me.
She and I have never really talked.
She's prep.
I'm dork-chic.
There's a difference.
Besides, having Marc come make me smile will be nice.

"Jean-Marco is gathering his telescope into its case," comes the silken, low female voice as they approach me. "Will you be watching the stars with him?"

I nod.
She...Allison...sits on Marc's swing.
Her right hand holds a cigarette perfectly between two fingers.
Elegantly, she takes a long drag.

"Don't worry, I said nothing to Marc or my mother about seeing you at the doctor's office and, we can be honest here, I know what you were there for. I was there for the same thing," she says, speaking as casually as if we are long time friends. "How long have you been sexually active anyway?"

I look over to her quickly.
Shocked.
I haven't said more than six words to her my whole life and...
She wants to know about my sex life.
Well, lack thereof.

"I'm not," I tell her, keeping my voice just above a whisper.

"Oh, well, good for you. It's always better to wait. Well, no. I'm lying. It's not," she smiles. "I remember my first time. My god. It was unsatisfying. I hope yours is better. Well, I mean, if it's going to be with my brother, I doubt it will. You should go to Paris. The men there are extremely open, willing to do anything to please you."

"Allie, please, Rose doesn't want to hear about your slutiness, even when you mask it as life expierence," Marc tells her as he sets up his telescope on the other side of the low fence. "And, you really need to stop pushing France on people. It's seriously overrated."

I know he's right.
It's stuffy.
Not as romantic as it's made out to be.
Well, not my brand of romantic.
I don't really have one to call a 'brand' yet.

"How much of our conversation did you hear," Allison asks, taking another long, slow drag off her cigarette.

"Enough to leave me disturbed. Hey, Rose, come on. I have it all set up. I want to show you Venus," Marc says as he adjusts his scope. "Allison, mom has been looking for you. Your laundry is done and she needs the machine to wash her gardening shoes."

Allison reluctantly stands from the swing and starts across the path toward the gate.
She flips her hair over her shoulder then disappears inside, still puffing the cigarette.
She makes it look so effortless.
Being sexy.
I wish I could be like her.
Instead I have to be careful as I walk toward Marc so I don't trip.

"Did your mother really need to wash her gardening shoes," I ask him as I close the latch on the gate.

"She does, but I think she just used it as an excuse for me to get Allison away from you," Marc says, stepping away from the telescope. "I have it positioned so you can see Venus. You do actually enjoy astronomy, don't you?"

I nod and carefully handle the telescope.
I can see the planet perfectly.
Beautiful and serene looking.
Gorgeous.
Marc steps behind me, leaning over to whisper in my ear.

"Venus is such a lovely planet," he states the obvious. "But, that alone isn't the reason why it's commonly referred to as a feminine planet. You see, Venus really is a woman. Not just a goddess. Venus swirls beautiful clouds to the eye but, beneath them are volcanoes that have completely resurfaced the planet over and over again. Venus reinvents herself to remove scars. She moves to make herself dangeous and attracting. Just like you do."

"I'm hardly Venus' equal. There is nothing dangerous or alluring about me," I say, forgetting a whisper. "Say that I was a planet. How would you envision me?"

"You would be Earth," he says matter of factly. "One of a kind. Perfect for creating the environment for life. The weather is regulated by a close moon. Your tides are beauitful, full of emotion. Your weather is just as varied, ranging from cloudless sunshine drenched days to raging hurricanes that destroy civilizations. You're welcoming. You're bright. You're...a miracle."

I blush for the first time in a long time.
A long time for me anyway.
He just compared me to Earth.
Not Uranus.
Not former planet Pluto.
I'm...a miracle.
A great oddity of space.

"So, if I'm Earth, that would have to mean that you're the moon," I note. "Without the moon, Earth would be like any other planet. Lifeless perhaps with out of control weather and no sense of itself."

"Perhaps I would be the moon. I am, afterall, much more logical than you are," he smiles. "You know more about all this than I would have guessed."

"I watch the History Channel and Discovery Science," I tell him, stepping away from telescope. "Do you plan on showing me any more planets or do you have something else planned for me?"

"Loaded questions get perverted answers, Rose, you know this. You know I have a million things swirling through my mind at any given time about what I would love to do with, for and to you," Mark says. "But, since I am trying to be sensible, I could show you more planets or you could tell me what you and Allison were talking about before I made it out here."

"Show me more planets," I say, stepping back to the telescope.

"Oh, no, no, no. You have made me curious. Come on, what were you two talking about," he asks, catching my wrist before I can reach the telescope. "Was she telling you stories about her sex life because, really, it's uncalled for."

"She was about to but it didn't get that far," I tell him, glad it's so dark he can't see the blush on my cheeks. "But she was curious as to if I were sexually active. It was a bit embarrassing to say 'no' to her."

"I could help with that if you would like me to," he grinned.

"I bet you could," I laugh. "It's just...Allison is so pretty. She could have any guy she wanted. She wears perfect clothes, has perfect hair, perfect teeth and she's smart. She's like superwoman."

Marc rolls his eyes.
He wraps his arms around my waist from behind.
He gently squeezes me close to him.

"She's mean, crass and borders on slutty," Marc tells me in a whisper. "There are a million people that look and act like Allison. They are void on the inside. You aren't. You're full of art and words and creativity and beauty and, honestly, you are the perfect one. They all have to try harder because they know, all those girls that try to intimidate you, they are less than you are. You are smarter. You are naturally gorgeous. You are...Earth."

He kisses the back of my neck.
It makes me smile.
He makes me believe him.
And, as we stand underneath the stars, I glow.
Pure white.